Miami the train wreck

This story is a quick blast from the past. An episode from when we were still together. One of the first incidents that signaled the beginning of the end. Enter... Miami, the train wreck.

Crazy and I decided to spend my spring break in Miami visiting a friend. What a good idea it seemed. Sun, beaches, relaxation-- how could you go wrong? Throw in some booze, some rain, an argument, and a train, and I'll tell you how it could go wrong.

Throughout the trip Crazy and I had begun to feel a 'lil tension. Mostly Crazy was bitter that I wasn't paying as much attention to him as he wanted, plus Crazy was always coming up with strange conspiracy theories. One rainy night out dancing in Miami, Crazy indulged in one of his theories. Crazy and I were out dancing in a club when we started to argue. The argument progressed from the dance floor to a back ally, where it started to rain. Awesome. Take a moment now to picture what's about to unfold. I'm sitting on a chair, in an ally in Miami, crying in the rain at 2:00 a.m., while Crazy stands across from me, pacing and arguing back.

Suddenly, my cell phone rings. Enter-one of Crazy's many conspiracy theories. Crazy is certain that I was in cahoots with the caller, my friend who was hosting us, stating that I surely timed his call so that I would have an excuse to leave early in case we got into an argument. So I somehow arranged ahead of time for my friend to call at 2:00 a.m. exactly in case we were arguing in that exact moment. Right...

A slight rumble signaled the next part of the story, the train. Nearby the ally there was a train track- A train track which apparently traveled at all hours of night, including 2:00 a.m. (much like I apparently receive drunk visitors at all hours of the night... see prior posts). Crazy, who, to his credit, never missed an opportunity for an overly dramatic scene, decided to take advantage of this serendipitous train passing. Crazy began walking toward the train and threatened to jump in front of it. Now, when someone threatens to jump in front of a train, you can do one of three things. You can, 1) call their bluff (do it Crazy... I dare you, 2) try to stop them (because crap, what if they're serious), or 3) help them (nothing wrong with a helping hand). Regrettably, I didn't choose option three.

Instead, concerned that Crazy was actually crazy enough to jump in front of a moving train, I attempted to stop him. All 112lbs of me struggled to hold back 200+lbs of Crazy, who drunkenly insisted that he was going to do it. Eventually, my efforts resulted in Crazy giving up and agreeing not to end his life in the middle of the night during a drunken argument in Miami.

I made a lot of mistakes in the relationship, choosing option two was probably among the biggest.

Oh... you meant cease AND desist!

Crazy always had a problem with self-control... with saying no... or with simply stopping anything he wasn't supposed to do. This was a pervasive issue. What I mean is that if I told crazy, "leave me alone," this would often be responded to with a flurry of phone calls, emails, and texts. I'm not sure what part of "leave me alone" he translated into "yes, please continue to harass me!" but I suppose that's how he took it.

Anywho, after the myspace hacking incident there was further communication on Crazy's part. Crazy decided to reach out under the guise that a family member needed some advice from me. Hmmm... asking for favors from the ex-girlfriend you've been tormenting for the last few months doesn't seem like a great idea, but okay. Anyways, not being crazy myself but perhaps using bad judgement, I decide to be the bigger person and say yes, I'll provide some assistance on a limited basis. Big mistake.

Some background: Crazy didn't want his family to know that we had broken up... Crazy isn't always honest with his family... why I didn't see this as a sign that lying comes easy to him I'll never know. Also, at this point I had already told Crazy to stop contacting me despite his numerous texts/emails/calls/etc...With this in mind, the following email exchange occurs:

Me: "[Your family] can call my office number. However, please note that I'm not going to be dishonest if anyone asks me anything about us, meaning, I'm not going to refer to myself as your girlfriend, etc. I won't bring it up but I'm also not going to be dishonest...I'm happy to answer your family's questions "

Crazy: "They arent going to ask you about us. They dont care. They just need help...Whenever I tell them, I'm telling them you cheated on me"

My internal dialogue: Oh HELLS to the no! He did not just go there! Because while I'll admit that I made my mistakes, I never cheated on him. He wants to lie? Okay, gloves are off, offer to help rescinded!

Me: "...despite the fact that I have asked you to leave me alone VARIOUS times, and REPEATEDLY-you continue to text me, and emailme, about various things. I have no idea why you are doing this...I've done my best to ignore all of these texts/emails, since I've asked you to leave me alone. However, I've been nice enough to respond and even offer myself as a resource when your family needs help."

Crazy: "Don't worry about me. I will just check the obituaries section and someday when you die, I will show up to your funeral with a big fat smile on my face :-)...Never needed you for anything anyway. You are good for nothing. Bitch."

Now let's reflect for a moment. I don't consider myself an irrational person or one who acts without thinking. But when someone says they'll smile when you die... yeah, probably a sign you don't want that person near you. Probably a sign you want them restrained ... or their activity to cease... Well, I decided to try for the latter (only b/c the former required me to go to court and I don't have as much time as Crazy to dedicate to these things). I sent Crazy a cease and desist letter, stating that from here on out, he should only contact me via my attorneys. Lawyered.

Now, the BEST part of the story is that Crazy was actually finishing his thesis that day. I found out later that Crazy had stayed up all night finishing his thesis, had driven to Modesto to get signatures from his advisors, and had driven back to his work office to finish submitting his thesis. Exhausted (presumably from driving and not from being an asshole), Crazy sat at his desk and proceeded to open his mail before finishing, only to find my cease and desist letter. Oh the timing, there is some justice in this world. At any rate, Crazy spent an hour trying to draft a response but eventually gave up and returned to his thesis.

Clearly, the story doesn't end here since our last contact was this very month... What happened between then and now includes more lies, more deceit, some humor, and a pineapple, but definitely nothing near ceasing or desisting.

Disclaimer: Okay, a pineapple was never involved, but you really should watch 'how I met your mother,' they do have a story about a pineapple and it's much better than mine (mainly b/c I don't have one).

Coming out of the Closet

It was Mexican Independence day and Crazy and I had been split for about five months. Ironic that it was Mexican Independence day because in this story involves one Mexican who was stuck in a closet, another who was stuck in his own stupidity, and a third was trapped between the two. Some background: my ex boyfriend is half Mexican and the boy I was casually dating is also half Mexican. Apparently I have a type.

Boy I had casually been dating and I (let's call him Chef, he'll appear later), had gone to the Capitol to watch the Mexican Independence day events. It was warm outside and a fairly nice night though I kept a watchful eye in case Crazy was leering about. At this point, he wasn't. It was a Wednesday and while Chef and I went back to my place for the obligatory hook-up, I had no interest in sharing my bed with someone who would awkwardly try to snuggle when all I wanted was to go to bed. So, said hook-up commenced and at a fairly decent hour, ended. While clothing was being fastened and rearranged, the doorbell rang. Mind you, at this point we're talking Midnight on a Wednesday. And despite my readiness to explore what monogamy had been depriving me of, I do not typically have random company coming over at all hours of the night.

Back to the story. As Chef buttoned clothing, I ran to the door to check who was there. Of course, it was Crazy. Like a crazy person myself, I ran back to Chef and told him that Crazy was at the door, that I had no idea why he was there, and hey, would you mind hiding in the closet while I figure out what Crazy wants? This all seemed like a good idea at the time. Luckily, Chef thought so too and promptly ran into the closet, clothes in hand. I ran back to the door and let Crazy in. Crazy asked to use the bathroom and confused, I said yes. While Crazy spent fifteen minutes in the restroom (wtf?) I ran back and asked Chef to stay put. He did. Meanwhile, I ran back and waited for Crazy to emerge. After Crazy came out, it was evident that Crazy was not only crazy, but also very very drunk. Crazy then went on a twenty minute rant about how he wanted closure and wanted to have this discussion that night. Then, that he wanted to move on (so move on buddy, but not into my apt in the middle of the night). Finally, he asked to crash. My response to these was, fine but tomorrow at a reasonable hour, okay good for you, and no. I literally tried pushing him out of my door because he wouldn't leave (I'm 5'4" and 112lbs, he's 6' and 200lbs, so that was effective) and he eventually did. All the while, Chef waited patiently in my closet, in the dark, clutching his clothes.

After freeing Chef, we had a good laugh while Crazy proceeded to text me throughout the night. You know, normal things you would text after showing up drunk in the middle of the night at your ex girlfriend's apartment. Things like, you need to leave town, I don't want anything to do with you, just go away... you know, the norm. Ah, and to top things off, he stuck some random announcement on my car that had been posted around my apartment building. And he drove home drunk. Awesome... clearly I'm the one who needed to leave town.

Sigh... my ex boyfriend is crazy.

Crazy doesn't look good on anybody

This is one of the better stories, but not the best. That one is still yet to come. "Crazy doesn't look good on anybody" is a saying that I use often now because of a particularly heinous display of craziness from the Ex. But first, some background. Crazy works for the state government, and thus does not only convene with high profile people but also has access to people who know how to do things... crazy things... like hacking into people's myspace pages (I had a myspace, don't judge me).

A few weeks after Crazy and I had split (we went on a break, but break, break-up, semantics, blah) I decided to go on a date. New guy (a.k.a. random white guy= rwg) and I grabbed coffee and then drinks at a bar right next door. With rwg there was no hand-holding, no kissing, no nothing. All the while, Crazy, leering from a distance, starts sending texts along the lines of "I'm going to put that guy in the E.R.," as well as a play by play of where exactly we were going and what we were doing. Later that night, Crazy went on to tell me things like I would regret ever moving to town and that since he was in politics, he had better ways of seeking revenge than turning to violence. Yeah, that's always fun to hear...

The next morning I awoke to several texts from friends asking what had happened to my Myspace account. After several attempts at logging in (I couldn't b/c my password had been changed) I finally reset my password and entered to see that my picture, my music, and the "about me" section had all been changed. Friends had been deleted and others had new messages sent to them. The background was changed and my pictures had new comments and captions. Highlights included my song changed to "I'm a bitch" or something to that effect and the about me section mentioning that "If there's one word that best describes me it's probably B-I-T-C-H." Classy... yep.

For those wondering... yeah, you can be criminally prosecuted for hacking into people's social networking account and messing with the contents... Just sayin'

Also, later he told me that someone working for the State had hacked into the account. And I mean hacked, since he never had my password. Because hello... would you give your password of anything to Crazy?

My Ex boyfriend is crazy

Some background: Crazy and I were together for three years. We were planning the details of our future wedding, had chosen a chapel and a caterer, and he bought an engagement ring. And then, slowly, the descent into crazy began.

It's been nearly a year now since Crazy and I broke up. Mind you, going on a break, breaking up, and hooking up, are all various shades of grey that we dabbled in frequently until just a few hours ago. Yes, I said just a few hours ago (specifically 10:30 p.m. on Feb 13th). Just a few hours ago because I recently found out that Crazy is apparently now engaged. Yes, engaged, but not to me- to a girl he had only casually dated for a few months while all along he was spending late nights with me... and continued to do so even after they became engaged. But more on that later.

For now, all you need to now is that my ex boyfriend is Crazy and I'm finally done making mistakes on him but at least now I have plenty of fodder for this blog.

More to come...